Mummy Madness

End of the term, end of an era. start of new things starting to need more. Children as they are coming to the end of the school year often start to change. That wonderful child who always went to bed when you asked them or ate their dinner suddenly start to not do as you want them to. As a nursery we see this every year, mostly with the children who are going to school.

All the training in the world does not prepare you for this, a degree, teacher training cognitive behaviour courses all tell us that its coming and how to deal with it but when it happens OMG you are not ready at all. I love my job and I really love expanding my knowledge any course available I am booked on it. As with everything sometimes the best advice is simple, Claire said to me on Monday he's fighting against the change. Children love routine and familiarity hence why we often end up watching the same programmes every day. I know this as a practitioner as a mother you forget all these nuggets of wisdom. So I asked myself what can I do to help him through the change?

LOVE – That’s all we can do, be there for them.

Reading up in the evening (mostly Facebook at the moment) I came across this, to me it explains how I want to be perfect for you, I don't want to get cross and sad with you; some days are just hard in many different ways. I want to give you reassurance and guidance through this tough time but as a parent I have to adjust to. I almost want to have my little baby back who isn't demanding all these things from me; but i know he wants me to help him through this tough time. I know I have to help you grow, but I still always ask.

Did I Love You Enough Today?

By Kristen LaValley.

The sun is going down. We’ve sung the last song, read the last book and tucked you back into bed for the seventeenth time. The day is coming to a close and I breathe a sigh of relief. All day long, I look forward to the bedtime hour. Two more hours till bedtime. One more hour. Thirty minutes. 10 minutes. As soon as you’re in bed, the cleaning starts. I pick up the toys, wipe down the counters, wash the dishes, and fold the laundry. Then the relaxing starts. I put on my sweats, grab my snack, turn on Netflix, and snuggle up with your daddy. Then it’s my bedtime. I turn the TV off, climb into bed, and just before my head hits the pillow, I ask myself, "Did I love them enough today?"

You see, the day goes so fast, but the moments drag on and on and on. I know you don’t understand why the way you say my name drive me crazy sometimes. I know you get frustrated when plans change and people cancel and things don’t work out. I know how hard it is for you when I forget to toast your bread before putting the peanut butter on it and how life threatening that shoe to the head must have felt. I try to give grace because you probably didn’t mean to sit on your baby sister’s head… twice… in two minutes. But the truth is, I fail. So much. I snap. I cry. I angry text your daddy and threaten mutiny multiple times a day. I get sad and I can’t explain why. I get angry and have a hard time hiding it. I get lonely and insecure and frustrated and sometimes I say things that I can’t take back.

So when I get to the end of the day… the day that I’ll never get to have with you again… I go over the details, the highs and the lows, and I wonder if you felt loved the whole day. Once you’re in bed, sleeping soundly, I almost completely forget how hard the day was for me. In the moment, the chaos is so real, but when it’s over, it’s over and I just want to wake you up and say, "Hey! You did good today."

I hope that I loved you enough today. I hope that everyday you know that you are loved and that nothing you can do or say can change that. I hope that you see through my tears of frustration and know that I am so proud of you. You are the best thing I ever did. I love you fiercely and I hope you always know that. Not just in the long run, but every single frustrating day.

Did I love you enough today, little one? I sure hope so.

I found this to be true at the moment, as I am sure that many other parents are in the same boat. I want him to know I love him deeply and I know he's scared but with that extra love and reassurance we can do it.

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